Yep, one of those rare days my brain juice isn't all dried up till before coffee.
Back to my epiphany, delighted I was, and so could not resist tweeting it.
AHEM. Quite the tech-wiz now, I might add.
Today, I will find contentment in my little successes. Who knows when we might never see them again. Thank You. I am truly grateful.
I realise that I so publicly displayed my anxiety before results day, and never followed through, with a much less anxious post. I don't know what it is, but a small and thoroughly embarassed part of me, thinks it might be discontentment.
During the SPM last year, I had sat goals for myself, realistic goals, definitely not as sky-scraping high as my peers, but goals that would bring some degree of satisfaction. As the months went on, SPM was but simply, dust from the past but upon the creeping up of results-release, the ever prominent fear of failure kept close. Promised, I was to pursue any chosen field of choice, if I performed as expected. Oh, the nerves.
A slip received from a smiling face, welcomed in haste, by trembling hands and a heart pumping in overdrive. Whooping for joy, I now am embarassed, thinking I probably didn't deserve to be so happy, having scored below a perfect10.
I don't know what it is, why so many people are so unhappy with such amazing success. I presume, it is but human nature to be less than satisfied, no matter what the outcome.
Somehow, I don't feel that is very fair to those who have much less, but who am I to say. I also think, it is the perogative of the highest of achievers to feel that way.
Nonetheless, I am so very proud of all my friends, I share in all your joy and upsets :) Hearing screams of joy, from my classmates, walking into the gallery makes me smile. Shout out to Vicky Ngow :D A job so well done, I'm so proud. What a source of inspiration.
This post was mainly to rekindle some bit of pride in myself, for struggling through 2 tough years, in a field that was anything but MY piece of cake.
I set out to make you proud, and hearing you laugh with relief ensured that the sleepless nights, blood, sweat and tears, ultimately, paid off.
I'm afraid dissatisfaction sets in, as my humble achievement greatly pales in comparison to those of my peers, and I find myself thinking it ludicrous to be happy with what I have when the rest of the world enjoys so much more.
But, as I ponder little more, I remember something a friend once said, screw the world.
Word of the day: Gadget
in my ears,
rise against: swing life away
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