Reap and sow.

I woke up this morning, with an epiphany.
Yep, one of those rare days my brain juice isn't all dried up till before coffee.
Back to my epiphany, delighted I was, and so could not resist tweeting it.
AHEM. Quite the tech-wiz now, I might add.


Today, I will find contentment in my little successes. Who knows when we might never see them again. Thank You. I am truly grateful.

I realise that I so publicly displayed my anxiety before results day, and never followed through, with a much less anxious post. I don't know what it is, but a small and thoroughly embarassed part of me, thinks it might be discontentment.
During the SPM last year, I had sat goals for myself, realistic goals, definitely not as sky-scraping high as my peers, but goals that would bring some degree of satisfaction. As the months went on, SPM was but simply, dust from the past but upon the creeping up of results-release, the ever prominent fear of failure kept close. Promised, I was to pursue any chosen field of choice, if I performed as expected. Oh, the nerves.

A slip received from a smiling face, welcomed in haste, by trembling hands and a heart pumping in overdrive. Whooping for joy, I now am embarassed, thinking I probably didn't deserve to be so happy, having scored below a perfect10.

I don't know what it is, why so many people are so unhappy with such amazing success. I presume, it is but human nature to be less than satisfied, no matter what the outcome.
Somehow, I don't feel that is very fair to those who have much less, but who am I to say. I also think, it is the perogative of the highest of achievers to feel that way.
Nonetheless, I am so very proud of all my friends, I share in all your joy and upsets :) Hearing screams of joy, from my classmates, walking into the gallery makes me smile. Shout out to Vicky Ngow :D A job so well done, I'm so proud. What a source of inspiration.

This post was mainly to rekindle some bit of pride in myself, for struggling through 2 tough years, in a field that was anything but MY piece of cake.
I set out to make you proud, and hearing you laugh with relief ensured that the sleepless nights, blood, sweat and tears, ultimately, paid off.

I'm afraid dissatisfaction sets in, as my humble achievement greatly pales in comparison to those of my peers, and I find myself thinking it ludicrous to be happy with what I have when the rest of the world enjoys so much more.
But, as I ponder little more, I remember something a friend once said, screw the world.

Word of the day: Gadget

in my ears,

rise against: swing life away

Feed the commotion, going through the motions.

Cracking my head, trying to purge some, ANY emotion before the big day.
Tomorrow.
Needless to say, noone needs any reminding.
I don't know what it is, but I don't seem to have any butterflies in my tummy. Yet. Unlike those days, back in school.
It's probably the lack of substantial human contact, keeping my head and heart intact.
Sigh. Till tomorrow, that is.

100% not in the mood to see ANYONE. Must be the jitters. I hope its the jitters.
Really don't know what to expect. I think I'll keep it that way.
How small are the minds of our generation, to think that our future should be determined by one tiny slip of paper.
I, quite unashamedly, feel the same way.

There are only 2 things I fear the most:
Regret, and dissapointment.

Well, its a new beginning. Be it rocky, or a smooth, yellow brick road.

Word of the day: Out

in my ears,

adele: someone like you

Step 1, 2, 3

I'd like to first and foremost apologize for the vast number of words that appear everytime curiosity urges you to click the link that then leads you to my blog. I hope it isn't a turn off.
I'd like to plead my case, first by saying that I have been facing great difficulty trying to locate my camera wire thingy (forgive my shameless use of lay-man jargon) which allows me to feed all new photos straight into my lappy.
MEH.

Pardon me, my lovely friends, who are still waiting waiting for photos from dinner, 2 months ago :D

To begin my post,
I remember my 2011 resolution, being about adventure and experience. I've had one heck of an experience today.
Yep. First bout of driving ever.
What an epic, epic day. Awkward moments and uneasy looks exchanged with Ruba :)
I understand why loads of people enjoy driving, and that would be the thrill of being in control.
That would certainly explain my rush of adrenaline. Definitely cannot wait for the next one, although, the thought of going solo, this time, is 100% unnerving.

A pretty busy weekend at that. WYD retreat on Saturday and Amali on Sunday.
Date with the altos tomorrow : )
I'm excited. Have missed too much of the music.
Actually, I find myself quite looking forward to the next few weeks, although there is MUCH to be nervous about.
Excitement, please don't waiver.

Thought of the day: Clutch, brake. No clutch, oil.

in my ears,

florence + the machine: dog days are over

Back to the future 2.0

Quite unlike today, yesterday was exceptionally productive. The sun was shining bright bright, and I would have been a fool not to take advantage of it. So brilliant me had a brain fart and decided to paint the outside of my house.
Brilliant.
On the downside, not a soul noticed the difference.
This is why, I'd much rather utilize my free time, shopping :)
Okay, just kidding. I think.

T4YP auditions. Daunting. Praying I won't chicken out. Which means I probably should call up and make an appointment, eliminating the possibility of me changing my mind.
Ameteur me, didn't realise how much preparation would be required. How Forensics pales in comparison with the real world.

Back to reality.
All that results hype.
Sigh. I wish everyone would just get over it. It's starting to get annoying.
Whatever happens, I know its just the beginning. Trying my best not to give a care in the world about what anyone else thinks of me. For once in my life, I'd like to think of my life, as just that. MINE.

Contemplating Taylors Open Day next Saturday.
Oh, the future beckons.

As for now, the only future I'm looking forward to is the grilled cucumber sandwich I'm having for lunch.

Thought of the day: Stupid G#

in my ears,

mirah: garden

Who in the world do I think I am?

Today, feels extremely. Odd.
The sun is shining and butterflies a-flutter. The window wide open so as to usher in a bright Monday. No reason to suffer from any sort of Monday blues, and yet, this feeling of un-rest, frustration and restlessness.
Sigh.
How human it is to make it our obligation to be constantly dissatisfied.

I can't tell if its the jitters or simply due to the fact that I haven't actually had SUBSTANTIAL human contact with the outside world for a few weeks now.

As everyone is probably hugely aware by the upcoming results release day, I start to think of how my plans to use the few months I lay idle at home, to plan my life's course has failed (?)
Failure. I am pretty bold to use such a descriptive, but to think of how fickle minded I have become and how these past few months have steered me into the directions of SO many other career oppurtunities and courses have left me completely DUMBFOUNDED.
Who knew the world was literally quite so vast.
Sometimes, I actually do wish I didn't have a choice but to have someone else steer me into SOME direction, leaving me with no choice but to adhere. My somewhat unconventional ideas in line with my future have taken a 180.

From music, to theatre to political science to, fairly recently, journalism.
Yes, I've had my fair share of awkward looks when asked my plans for whats to come.
And also my share of wide smiles and inspiring words :)
Oppurtunities, choices. My cuss words.

My life would be much easier if I wanted to be a doctor or something. Although, definitely more dry.

Word of the day: Regret?

in my ears,

bruno mars: the lazy song

story of my life.

345376575628 hours and counting.

Hello March.
How February has whizzed by.
I wonder if I'm the only one fazed by how fast the year is going by. Probably I am, only due to the lack of anything exciting in my life these days.
Anway, now that March is here, I guess I should be getting my jitter on since D-Day (?) is quietly approaching.
Hopefully the long hours have paid off.

As for my week.
I can't tell if I'm hating being at home more than being at school, but I can say, that the days are getting longer and my social life is on suicide mode.
The highlight of my life, currently, is the RM100 DIVA voucher I get to call my own : )
Yep. Contest 1: SMOKED.

In an attempt to reboot the remains of my networking abilities, I have decided to keep my twitter account. Name change is underway, so follow me if you find out what it is when I'm done :)

I didn't know it was even possibly to be this socially active?
That was meant in the cleanest way possible.

So, Formspring next?

Word of the day: Burden

in my ears,

sam sparro: black and gold